His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
