So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
