so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
