we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
