Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
