i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
