bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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