and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
