he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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