So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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