Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
