I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
