the condom got lost in my hair
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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