fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
