If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
