Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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