Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
