question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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