I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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