I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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