If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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