He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
