I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
