Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
