Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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