Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
