Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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