I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
