She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
