I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
