if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
