Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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