what day is it and did you see me today?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You made out with two different species that night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
