All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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