Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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