He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
