Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
