Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
