I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
