it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
