Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize