Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
