Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
