we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
