We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
