let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
