WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
