We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
sex in a hospital.. check
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
