they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
