my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize