She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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