He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
