and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
