I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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