let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
