u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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