i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
