the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there was a trapeze. enough said
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
