if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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