Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
