Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize