11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
